Combo pack of trouble

This past week we went over to my mother's for dinner.  There is a checklist of things that have to be moved/locked/shut/blocked when we get over there.  We walk in and immediately go and lock the bathrooms, move the crystal, block the stairs, shut my mother's bedroom door, move all flowers and vases, and then go to the study and get the toys out and lock it too. 

Apparently we should have started at the study because when we went in to get the toys and found this:

And this:

 What?  Isn't reading a good thing??

Look at all of these words!!

 And then when WE went to putting the books back on the shelf... they ran off to find something else to do.  Which is when we found them doing this:

 And This:

And Finally This:





It really is a wonder that they are still alive!!  They are a combo pack of micheviousness and danger.  What ever will we do when they are teenagers??  Dare I ask??

The 3rd Grade Draft

Before Tabor started playing football last year, I picture K-3 football being a bunch of little boys that were padded wider then they were tall... fumbling around.  I mean they are just little boys!!  Apparently, I was wrong.  I learned this right after we signed Tabor up last year when we learned that he had been wait listed, because they had sooo many boys sign up the first day, they didn't have enough coaches for them all.  Interesting.  Thankfully, they did eventually find the coaches needed for the extra kids and Tabor was able to play.  Then we got an email saying that "THE DRAFT" was the following week.  The draft??  For 2nd graders??  Seriously???  They are making our uncoordinated weeble wobbles... try out??!  Um.  Okay. 

And, honestly, it went about as well as I had expected it to.  Poor Tabor.  It was pitiful.  I'm his mommy and I love him no matter what... but there were few words for that particular performance. 

So let's fast forward to "The 3rd Grade Draft"  (an email I was expecting and waiting for this year).  It was held last night.   2 hours in 95 degree heat.  9 teams of 6 coaches had stations of obstacles they wanted each player to perform in order to adequately judge their abilities.  Each team's station was a little bit different, but most had the kids tackle a dummy, run several drills and then *try* to tackle a coach.  3 coaches helped the kids and 3 coaches sat and took notes on every kid at each station. 

The days leading up to the draft are nervous for us.  Tabor loves football now and we want so much for him to be decent.  Last year the coaches turned him into a good little player.  Not the best, but definitely far from the worst. This year I expected much of the same... or I hoped for much of the same. 

YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN MY BOY!!!  He blew it out of the water!!!  There were times where he tackled the dummy so hard that I could hear him hit it from 40 feet off the field.  Several times Rusty and I looked at each other, admittedly shocked.  "IS THIS OUR BOY?!!"  "DID YOU JUST SEE THAT?!!!" 

He looked so good!!!  I was soooooo proud of him.  I will even admit to tearing up a time or two.  My baby... he has come a long long way. 

Here are some *iPhone* pictures.  I have no clue what team he will go to or what order he got drafted in, but he left it all on the field.  I'm proud!!

This was his tryout for his team he was on last year.

Tackling the coach

He kept his feet moving and kept pushing forward for 10 yards!

Running Drill

Tackling the Dummy (which is supposed to be followed quickly with finding and  falling on the ball).

He hit it hard!! 

Going after the ball

Another team's tryout

45 yard dash

The last team's tryout... he was still going 2 hours later and in 95 degree heat!

Bear crawling

Of all the teams to get last... he got to END with the longest obstacle course.

Stress, Running, and Photo Book Making

The last 2 weeks or so have been filled with stress, and I do not care for it one bit. Most things these past two week were not even bad stress,  but oh dear. Not for me. I am a woman that is never more excited then when shopping on line and whose favorite movies are the ones with cartoon characters in them… because you don’t have to stress about the ending.  There was a time 5 or 10 years ago, where the stress of new decisions and new things thrilled me. I loved the excitement. Excitement is not for a mother of 3. I can’t keep up with the details and it just shuts me down. The only excitement I like these days, comes from the 3 little humans that occupy my domain. They provide quite enough excitement… and noise!

Normally, my way to deal with stress is to cuss at anything that will take it and drink heavily. It works well. Sadly, I have taken this new running (glorified walking with a bounce in my step) thing up. Not sure how I would classify this new “adventure.” A hobby is associated with enjoyment. A sport is associated with talent. Neither are involved in this. So we will keep it in the “exercise of horror” category.

A few weeks back, before the fun of the last 10 days or so, Rusty and I went out to our favorite neighborhood Mexican restaurant. After a particularly enjoyable night, I awoke to my early morning “run” (which took place promptly at 11:30) with a new and somewhat daunting obstacle. For some unknown reason the world would just not stop the crazy spinning action. Most disturbing, it was. Knowing, if I didn’t force myself into my pretty pink running shoes and out the door, I would likely never do it again…. I ran.

About 5 min. in, Tequila began to pour out of every pore on my body. I never realized a human body had so many! I think it is more then safe to say that Jose Cuervo would have claimed me as his own from 20 feet away.

About 10 min. in, the world was still spinning, and a very unsettling feeling started happening inside my stomach and my head.

At 15 min. both stomach content and brain cells were lost. Both were very much wanted and needed, I might add! (Especially the brain cells! I have very few to spare!!)

Anyway after that, um... life changing experience, I decided,  that still knowing that missing one single run will likely be the end of marathon (cough, cough, gag, choke) dreams… and also very sure I do not wish to relive my run as an actual human distillery… that this time of stress would have to be handled in a more productive way...

So, I decided to make Disney Photo Books for autographs for our trip to Disney. I thought it would be waaaaay more fun then a blank book to get signed by the characters for the kids. It would also be something different that everyone else at the park wouldn’t have. I figured I could lose myself in doing it for at least a few hours. Ha ha ha. Sadly, what I forgot to factor in is that I am anal and compulsive and a touch ADD. I have now uploaded, cropped and fixed 2600 pictures and have spent close to 200 hours trying to work on the 1st of 3 books. The sanity is gone. I am sure I have killed off more brain cells then the tequila ever could have. While I definitely do smell better and I haven’t thrown up yet, I have cried, screamed, shook the computer, and I am sure my family can attest to the fact that the cussing hasn’t gotten better. Poor Penelope was standing in front of me when my custom page full of pictures got its’ left margin out of whack and I hit “undo” thinking that would fix it. Probably should have saved each of the beginning pages first. 20 hours spent on the first 10 pages… GONE. I actually cried. I cussed. I think I scared poor Penelope. She looked at me like she had just seen the devil himself. Honestly, of the 2 experiences… Running while fermenting and working on this book thing, I can not tell you which one is worse. I still have 20 pages to go on book 1!!

So not cool. So now I am not stressed about life. I am stressed about a picture book. I am less dehydrated but I have blisters, yes… actual bliseters. Who knew moving pictures around a page could be painful?? Lol.

Anyway... this is my book, so far:  (I did not take any of the pictures in it that don't have my babies in them... I found them all on line and some of them are really good!  Just not mine)

Click here to view this photo book larger

Life with We3Me

AKA as my husband. 

It was about a year ago that I screamed, "HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!" while trying to get over a gate after a particularly painful workout... and Rusty answered with, "Don't take my mother's name in vain, woman!" 

After I moved away from the windows (in case lightening was being aimed my way).  I exclaimed, "RUSTY!  Be ashamed!" 

That was all he needed. 

The Holy Trinity has taken up residence in my house.  Err... a man with a God complex has taken up residence in my house??

It never gets dull around here.  We live in the deep south.  Do you know how many bumper stickers we pass on the average day that declare, JESUS IS LORD!  Rusty without missing a second will comment, "Thank you!"  or "It is true!"  or "I really prefer, Prince of Peace." 

There is the occasional Darwin fish that you see, which prompts the response of, "Repent my child! The end is near!" 

It has become quite a part of our lives.  I can't help it... it cracks me up everytime. 

The other week that horrible church was on the news.  They were protesting another funeral with signs that read, "Die Fags!  Burn in Hell!"  and other horrible grotesque things.  Rusty looked at me all perplexed.  I shrugged thinking he was equally disgusted.  He waited a second and said, "Now that is just stupid.  If I hate all gay people... who would decorate heaven for me?  Doing an all white and gold theme is very challenging to get just right without making it look like a giant toga party!"

I mean seriously... how do you respond to that without laughing?

We were standing in line in Walmart last week.  The lady in front of us was about 300 pounds and was wearing shorts that clearly showed us where her daughter came from everytime she moved/bended/hiccuped.  I got lost starring... too traumatized to turn away.  Rusty, as luck would have it, saw a track that someone had placed in front of Cosmopolitan.  The cover said in big letters, "FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE."  He pointed it out to me and then giggled as he glanced at the woman in front of us who was crouched over looking at a snickers bar.  "See, Even I have a sense of humor!"

About a week or two ago, Tabor asked why the words Jesus spoke in the Bible were red.  Rusty responded (to me... obviously not Tabor), "You know, I don't know!  I told them I prefer blue!" 

We were watching a show about multiple personalities.  I said that I just couldn't imagine having more then one person in my head.  Rusty said, "Well, it was very busy at first... but now we keep each other company."  I looked at him funny.  His response, "We3Me." 

I was irritated at him the other day, he looked at me and yelled (loud enough to make me jump and nearly choke), "BE GONE SATAN!"

In the kitchen the other night he was starring at the water running in the sink.  I kept seeing him blink.  I asked if he was okay.  "Just turning the water into wine."  (Now if he ever gets that one... I may just fall to the ground and wash his feet!)

The other night, we were having a wild thunder storm.  Crazy lightening.  Rain was falling sideways.  Tabor asked about what made rain.  I said, "I guess the angels are crying."  Rusty whispered (out of ear shot of the kids), "They spend all day with me!  What on earth is there to cry about?"

Oh dear.  The life we lead.  It is really no wonder that we have 3 crazy kids... is it??  

What do you do to fix a man who thinks he is God... the Father, Son, AND Holy Ghost?!!  I wonder if holy water would have an effect?  It would probably boil. 


Can blogs have disclaimers?  Here is mine:  We both believe in the real God, the real Jesus and the real Heaven.  Rusty is just crazy and likes to make me laugh.  Which for some reason this always does.  I swear... it is all about getting a reaction from me and that he certainly doesn't mean any of it.  Really.   

4TH of July slideshow... and random comments on editing programs

I found photo editing!!  Hence, the odd looking 4th of July Picutres below,  lol.  I had waaaay more fun playing with them then I should have.  Not sure how to use the photo editing fully, yet...  but I loved messing around with it.  If you have not found photo editing, I highly suggest trying it out!  Too much fun!!  I edited a child right out of a picture!!  Who knew??  I removed a leg by covering it in grass from next to the leg and added cloudy looking stuff on the edges!  SPIFFY!!  Im not sure anyone really wants pictures that look like they have clouds on the edges... but I CAN DO IT!!  Kind of intoxicating, I must say!!  I did learn that wrinkle removal can be depressing... when you realize the difference between what you look like and what you used to look like.  Nearly became suicidal at that particular finding... bleah!!

BUT!!  Be undeterred!!  There are color and dotted effects and fireworks and very dapper red white and blue top hats that you can add... to anyone who happens to be in the picture!!  What more can an adult human want??  Now that we get the back end of Christmas and birthdays are about nothing more then getting us a year closer to the grave with ever more sun spots, wrinkles and sagging skin (AND BEHINDS!  WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?!!  My behind is just a few birthdays from resting on the back of my knees, but I digress)....we can at last erase the sagging with this spiffy eraser looking tool, remove the wrinkles, add brighter eyes and a skinnier waist!!  Im sure you could even enlarge your boobs... or whatever area you are concerned with making bigger!!  Ureka!!  There is a God.  He is good!!  (Oh! ...and so is photo editing)